You're an asshole.
Way to rise above. Flames are play-school, huh? I've written more mature treatises in crayon. Go fuck yourself with your apparently measureless vault of inerrant knowledge about me, and leave me alone.
I think often, and talk sometimes, about how you don't love me anymore.
Too melodramatic a beginning? I sure do apologize.
I gave each of you a unique piece of me (VERY unique), and what I received was rejection. Thank you very much, and fuck you very much, and I hope you know that I listen to the special songs I associate with each of you and think of you at night, and try to avoid thoughts of you during the daytime, and generally hurt when the subject of "best friends" comes up, because what do I have but memories of people who said they loved me, and then proceeded to stab and/or just abandon me? Best friends are fallacies. That's what you've taught me. Congrats, and go fuck yourselves. I hate how much you've hurt me.
Hard drive managed to wipe itself. What I don't have backed up:
- 4 - 6 pages (i.e. half) of written thesis
- at least half my Word document notes, likely much more
- the mindmap on which I'd spent a ridiculous number of hours -- a nearly complete outline of my entire Northanger Abbey chapter, with probably 15 to 20 passages of NA typed in and analyzed
Why the FUCK did I not back that shit up?
Oh, I know -- it's because I didn't expect my laptop to up and CAUSE ITSELF IRREPARABLE DAMAGE OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE
Oh yeah, and my laptop's fried, of course. Not to mention a bunch of school papers and poems and random other personal crap.
All gone. Goddamn it.
My laptop, complete with roughly 90 percent of my thesis material (notes and all), including half of what I've written, just fucking ATE IT.
And won't start, and if I can't get my files off here, I'm going to MURDER first myself, then my laptop, then all of Apple's staff, and then myself again.
Not to mention all my poetry and other school files and shit...
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
After watching me beat my head against this semester for the past two weeks, one of my friends had the brilliant idea that it might be possible for me to change majors. I'm really hoping this works, as it would make my semester a lot easier. If I were to switch to a creative writing emphasis, my understanding is that, as I would need one fewer class in the period before 1700, I could drop the History of the English Language course. I've already taken English 183, and would love the opportunity to put together a poetry portfolio. If this works, I would still like to write my thesis, and I believe that, if my AP English credit is factored in, I should still have enough credits to graduate with three classes this semester. If that's not the case, then I could add a PE class, and since I swam for three years, I could get one more credit that way. Do you think this is feasible?
Thanks for your help; I look forward to hearing from you, and to our meeting on Monday.
P.S. I'm sorry for not having emailed you when I sent thesis pages to Sarah Raff. I ended up sending her on Wednesday the two pages I had been able to get out, and was hoping to send her more material, but I had real difficulty in getting more down on paper. I'm trying to meet with her Monday to discuss thesis further . . . I refuse to give up on this, and there has to be a way for me to make things workable.